Categories
Gender/ sexuality Relationships/Friendship

Male/ female relationships after #MeToo and appropriate language

In light of the #MeToo movement and the proposed ‘sex ban’ by Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, debates have been sparked over appropriate contact with colleagues. More specifically, the relations between men and women and how (or I guess, whether) platonic affection can be expressed between male and female colleagues.

This question was sparked in me last week when ai was listening to 2GB. Herald Sun columnist and Macquarie Radio presenter, Andrew Bolt was talking to The Australian’s Chris Kenny about Rita Panahi, who also writes for the Herald Sun. During the segment, Bolt stopped himself from referring to Panahi as ‘gorgeous’. His reason was caution and a warning from his wife.

To be honest, this is a bit sad. Nothing creepy was intended. Bolt (and Kenny) was trying to use ‘gorgeous to praise Panahi as a person and colleague. And she is gorgeous!

There are some words that probably should be said with care  and be used in certain contexts. ‘Sexy’ is probably one of them. Reserve that for partners and close friends that you know won’t take it the wrong way.

’Darl’/ ‘darling’ ‘sweetheart/ ‘sweetie’, go by the person. I personally love it when someone calls me ‘darling’. I always have. Makes me feel cared for, I guess.  ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘honey’ are probaly best left for loved ones and partners. It’s probably seen as inappropriate in some contexts, especially work.

 

 I think it’s sad that we’ve gotten to this point. Unfortunately, I think the Left have taken us, ironically, where the Right did fifteen or twenty years ago. Male/ female relationsships are automatically sexualised. Men are treated with suspicion and treated as they are sex maniacs just ready to jump every woman they see. The Right use to control women in a similar way; treating them as temptresses that can’t be trusted.

Enough!

No, not all men are creeps. Male and female friendships  can and should be able to flourish without fear and without an erotic cloud over their heads. Men and women should be able to be affectionate, say ‘I love you’, ‘beautiful’, etc, without any party being accused of being ‘creepy and the like. Again, I must empasise it’s context and intent. If you are close friends with someone, regardless of gender, and the person is OK with it, I think words they’re fine.

 

However, while we live in the times we do, there are other adjectives you can use. Here are a few (some of which are my favourtes).

Groovy

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(From GIF Keyboard)

Bees knees 

(Kath and Kim, anyone?)

Awesome or ‘awesome sauce’

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(Any Friends fans?)

Cool!

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We should tackle abuse and harassment. No doubt about it. And you should only say and do what people are comfortable with. But let’s not make a battle against harassment and abuse become a movement that silences or demonises people that shouldn’t be.

What terms of endearment or friendship do you like? Are there certain words you only accept from certain people? Let me know in the comments below.

Categories
Culture Events

Happy World Hug Day

Friend group hug
Image: iStock

 

On a warm and fuzzy note: today is World Hug Day. It’s on the 21st of January each year.

Awwww. Can you feel the love?

Actually, it’s National Hugging Day and is formally celebrated in the US (damn!). However, it is also celebrated at some point around the world. Some celebrate it the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. National Hug Day originated in 1986. The founder of the day was Reverend Kevin Zaborney. He thought of a national hugging day when he realised people often felt down between Christmas/ New Year holiday period and Valentine’s Day.

I think it’s such a lovely idea. I’m a big hugger. I believe in the mental health benefits of hugging. Studies have shown that physical affection can determines a baby’s neurological development, which can determine a person’s state for the rest of their lives. The longing for physical touch is also evident for most people throughout their lives and can have great impacts on well – being.

 

The origin of “National/ World Hugging Day exposes a real weakness in humanity. Too often, we neglect human connection. To be honest, this generation (including  my generation), unfortunately try and use social media and technology as a substitute to real human interaction. Yet, while social media is great in keeping in contact with people, it can’t compete. People need real physical interactions.

“But I’m not a hugger”

Not everyone is comfortable with hugging and certain people will ask not to be hugged. These requests should be respected. I believe in body autonomy and after what has been exposed recently, I think it’s more important now than ever to respect personal boundaries.

Asking for hugs, gender and relationships

Having said that, asking for a physical touch shouldn’t be frowned upon either. In platonic relationships, it shouldn’t matter the gender/s of the participants. I love hugs from people regardless of gender. If everyone is comfortable with it, it shouldn’t matter. Hugs between men and women,women and women or men and men should be allowed and encouraged (when mutual).

Of course, hugs and caresses may lead to something else, but it shouldn’t be mandatory in romantic relationships. Sometimes a hug should be enough… at least that’s what I think. Many relationship experts insist that some form of physical intimacy is needed for a relationship to survive and thrive. In my opinion, physical affection in friendships (i.e. hugging), is also really important. It can create trust and further cement the relationship. It creates security and communicates full acceptance. I think hugs are great and needed during times of tragedy, loss or when someone is upset. To allow yourself to be vulnerable, and being allowed to be vulnerable shows the strength of a friendship.

Friends hugging
Image: iStock

 

 

So, happy “World Hugging Day” or for those in the US “National Hugging Day!”. I hope you all have someone that you can hug today and any day. Give your mum, dad, brother sister, other family member or friend a hug for me.

What have you been doing this National/ World Hugging Day? Let me know in the comments below!

 

 

Categories
Life

Love, love, love

Cosmopolitan (Australia) kicks off 2018 by celebrating love in all it’s forms in the wake of the same – sex marriage vote.

 

 

Last year was tense. My blogging last year was tense. So I thought I’d start 2018 on a light note. This is inspired by this month’s Cosmopolitan (Australia) issue.

Love.

Notebook with love heart
Image: Canva

Love can take many forms. At best, it’s reciprocated and combined with care, respect and kindness.

I’m glad that the Cosmopolian article went beyond the partnered/ romantic love. For many people, including those on the aromantic/ asexual spectrum, different types of love like familial and friendship take prominence.

Even people who are not romantic or asexual often have craving for different types of affection. In fact, it’s well known that in infants, the amount of affectionate touch  can determine further  (or lack of) neurological development throughout a child’s life.

 

Regardless of whether the love is familial, romantic or platonic, love is about caring about for the other person. It’s about respecting them as a human being and wanting the best for their well – being. It includes trying to understand the other person; their limits, their emotions, their wishes, etc. It’s about at least trying to keep their thoughts, feelings and desires into consideration, of course, without putting yourself or other people in any type of jeopardy.

The Beatles sang “money can’t me love”, which is ultimately true, but I think it’s nice to spend money on a loved one on special occasions, (birthdays, Christmases, Valentine’s Day, etc), or for no reason at all. Of course, if you’re crafty (which I’m not really), making something for someone will almost certainly be appreciated.

Love isn’t always about fun and games. It’s about being there for someone during good times and bad. You should be able to be yourself with the people you love. Love should, and even oblige, people to be honest, even if the truth is something that the other person doesn’t want to hear (not always easy.

I think the most important thing about love is that it’s unconditional. Love itself should not be a reward for preferred behaviour or other aspect of the person. Love should allow people to relax with each other and not have a care in the world. Whether it’s watching TV together, going out to dinner or even communicating on social media, love should allow each person to relax and not stress too much or fear judgement.

Love should build up, not tear down. Overall, I think people should feel better about themselves after talking to or being around someone they care about. When someone has low self – esteem or mental health issues, this isn’t always easy. Sometimes, people won’t believe you when you say that they are worthy, beautiful, etc (guilty). That doesn’t mean that we should automatically treat someone as lesser than because of it. Those people who dismiss it often are the ones that need to hear it the most.

 

Human love is complicated. It can be fraught with uncertainty. Sometimes love can hurt (we are human), but that pain should always be allowed to heal and should be prevented in the future.

That’s my take. What’s love mean to you?